Just let the tears flow. Please.

Is it all just a mistake?

I feel so bad, so guilty after reading your sms. The dilema presented itself even before posting came out, but it didn't seem so real until today. I know. Call me ignorant. But I really didn't know. I didn't expect the call to come this morning. Sommore from that school in which I had given up all hope in.

Feel really really bad for them. Really really bad. I really let them all down. Won't be surprised if there's a hate club for me formed by them. It's all my fault. Honestly, they need me much more here than on the other side. Much much more. I just wanna pray and hope that they won't call on monday night.

But everytime I think of them, I feel like crying. Everytime I read the sms, I feel like crying. Is my decision wrong? But what choice do I have? If I don't give the slip by today, the space will be given to someone else. Since sec 3, that school has been my target. My ideal school. The place where I want to end up in, where I want to go to. Where I had been working towards. There was passion. Now, it is still the school I prefer.

But I just feel so bad. Still feel so bad. It's a knawing feeling that eats up your strength and your soul. After I read the sms. I felt nausea. I felt like crying. I felt so guilty. Yes, it's the guilt that eats up everything, until you're too tired to move or do anything.

Oh yes. And regret too. Regret that I should have given more thought into the dilema. More pondering and soul searching. More walks down memory lane. Regret.

I need assurance. I need some comfort. But I know there won't be any. For it is impossible to feel those emotions in this situation. There are just no assurance or comfort here, now, in this perspective, in this dilema. Because there will be utterly no happenings that could induce any amount of assurance or comfort. It is just impossible.

Mom and Dad support my decision, and tells me there's nothing to feel bad about, because they were too slow to snap people up. Moreover, there was nothing we could do in this situation except what I did. But.

I dunno. I just dunno.

Please. I beg you. Please.